Losing Everything
by SlytherinFreake
Summary: COMPLETE! After defeating Voldemort, Harry expected a life of happiness and comfort. Little did he know, the only thing he'd have would leave him, much like everything else. PREQUEL to Rekindling a Romance! Slash, M/M, HP/SS
1. The Night After

The night after Voldemort had finally been killed was one of the worst of Harry's life. He lost his girlfriend, his family, and worst of all, himself. He was wallowing in a pit of self-pity. The only thing he had anymore was Severus Snape. He had no idea what made him save Snape from the Shack that night, but he felt compelled.

"God, I have nothing left," Harry said, looking into the mirror. His eyes were no longer bright. His hair was even more out of control. His face was no longer shining with happiness. "After everything I did for them, they walked away from me when I needed them the most."

He left the bathroom and went to the second floor bedroom. Snape was still sleeping in the bed. Harry sighed and went down to the kitchen. He absently stared into the fire for God knows how long. All he could think of was the previous night.

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_"What the hell did you do?" Molly screamed, lunging at Harry. "You forced Fred to fight for you!"_

_"You made Remus come to defend you," Andromeda yelled, almost lunging as well. "You forced my daughter to abandon her newborn son for you!"_

_"You brought this on everyone," Percy said, anger ebbing from his body. "You forced us all to fight on your behalf."_

_"You know I never asked you to fight!" Harry exclaimed, dodging Molly. "I told you all to leave not three hours ago! I never wanted this!"_

_"Get out of here," Arthur said, holding his wife. "No one wants you here any longer."_

_"But..." Harry said, but stopped when he received a number of cold glares from the people he had once considered his family. He walked out onto the grounds and let his feet carry him though the bodies strewn about the grounds. _

_After a half hour, Harry found himself at the Shrieking Shack. He knew what was in there, but he didn't want to see it. His feet carried him to Snape, lying in the pool of his own blood. Harry suddenly gathered the man into his arms and apparated to his house._

_He cleaned Snape's wounds as best as he could, and he applied some antidote to the snakebites. He found a store of blood replenishing potions that Snape had stored at Grimmauld the previous summer. He gently tipped a couple down Snape's throat, and he hoped that the man would come back._

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Harry snapped from the memory as he heard someone shuffling around upstairs. He got up and followed the sounds. He saw Snape moving about his room, unsure of where he was.

"Professor Snape?" Harry asked quietly. "Are you alright?"

"Potter?" Snape asked, turning to look at the boy. "What am I doing here?"

"I brought you here after I was told to leave the Great Hall. I wandered around for a while, and I eventually found myself in the Shack, and before I knew what I was doing, I brought you back here," Harry said, looking down, as if waiting for punishment. "I fixed your wounds."

"Thank you, Pot- Harry," Snape said, sitting on the bed. He was watching Harry's body language, and he saw that Harry had been broken worse than ever before. "What's wrong?" Harry continued to stare at the floor, looking up briefly to meet Snape's eye. In that second, Snape's legimency allowed him to see the events of the night before. Harry then turned on his heel and ran to his room, slamming the door. Snape sighed, and he found himself going to Harry's room.

When he reached the door, he stopped. He listened at the door for a moment, only to hear the boy inside crying. He opened the door, and he went to the boy. He gently put an arm around Harry's shoulders, offering a shoulder to cry on.

"You don't have to stay, Professor Snape," Harry said, sniffling and attempting to stem the flow of tears. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"Harry, you've offered me a place to recuperate. Why would I walk away from that?" Snape answered, looking to Harry.

"Because you hate me, just like the Weasleys and Hermione," Harry said, turning away from Snape. He hated letting people see him cry, especially people he looked up to.

"I don't hate you, Harry. I hated your father and your godfather," Snape said, sighing. "I never hated you. I just never understood you."

"You made school a living hell, Snape," Harry choked out. "You never gave me an inch. I lost more points than anyone, especially in your class."

"I was like that because you reminded me so much of your father, Harry," Snape said, sounding unlike himself. "I never gave myself a chance to see you for who you were. I always attributed you with your father."

"Why?" Harry asked, turning back to face Snape. "Why did you attribute me with my father? Just because I look like him? Because you were so blinded by the shit he did to you in school? Because my last name is Potter?"

"Because I was scared, okay?" Severus said, sounding thoroughly exasperated. "I was scared that you were going to end up doing exactly as he had. I was scared that you were going to trick some kid into doing something stupid. I was more scared that you were going to start treating me like he and his friends had."

"Why?" Harry asked, his tears slowing. "Why assume the worst?"

"Because the last time, I gave anyone a chance, I got hurt," Snape said, turning to lean against the wall behind him. "I gave your mother a chance, and I saw only the good in her. When I least expected it, she left for your father. The only person I've trusted since then was Dumbledore."

"So you assumed that I'd be mean to you because I look like my father?" Harry asked, sounding angry.

"It was incredibly childish of me, but yes," Snape replied, looking at his lap. "I'm sorry, Harry."

"Go back up to your room, Snape," Harry said. "I need to think."

"Alright," Snape said, getting up slowly. "Do you have another blood replenishing potion? I think I need one."

"On your dresser," Harry said, sitting on his bed.

"I'll see you in the morning," Snape replied, leaving the room. Harry waved.

"_What did I get myself into this time?_" Harry thought, lying on his bed.

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_A/N: So, this is the intro to the prequel to "Rekindling a Romance", my other Harry/Snape fan fic._

_I realize that it's weird to write a prequel after you write the story it's a prequel to, but my writing style isn't exactly normal._

_Anyway, hope you enjoy!_

_--kd_


	2. Opening the Wounds

After a couple weeks of living in the same house, Snape and Harry had barely seen each other. The only time they really saw one another was at meals.

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Snape was beginning to wonder what was wrong with Harry. The boy had barely left his rooms enough to spend time with him, other than to go to work. When he did see Harry, there was an air of depression around him, and Snape was beginning to worry about him. At dinner that night, Snape decided to talk to Harry.

"Harry, we need to talk," Snape said, after sitting at the table.

"Can it wait, Snape? I have some things I need to get done before Kingsley gets pissed," Harry said, absently picking at his food.

"No, it can't wait, Harry," Snape replied. "What's wrong with you? You aren't the Harry Potter that I remember from your days at Hogwarts."

"It's nothing, Snape. I'm fine," Harry said, briefly looking as if someone had punched him.

"Potter, what's wrong? You're obviously not fine," Snape said, taking on his voice that he was known for in Hogwarts.

"I'm fine, Snape," Harry said, getting to his feet. "And if something was wrong, you'd be the last person I'd talk to about it." He then stormed out of the kitchen, leaving his food untouched.

A door slammed, letting Snape know that Harry had reached his room. The man sighed and got to his feet. He wanted to talk to Harry, but he knew better than to push his luck anymore tonight. He'd let Harry come to him.

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A week had gone by, and Harry had been pointedly ignoring Snape. It drove Snape to the very edges of his self-control, but he never said a word to Harry. He would occasionally sneak a glimpse of the boy and see that his condition was slowly deteriorating.

Harry sat at the kitchen table for a long while after he had finished eating that night, as if he was waiting for Snape to say something. When he was finished with his food, Snape put his dishes in the sink and turned towards the door.

"Snape?" Harry asked, looking up from the table. "Can we talk?" Snape wanted to scoff at the boy, after having his previous attempt handled so poorly.

"What do you wish to talk about, Potter?" Snape asked, standing still.

"Would you please sit down? I hate feeling like I'm talking to the old you," Harry said, lowering his head again. "I'm sorry for my behavior last week, but I was afraid you'd ridicule me for everything I had done up to that point." Snape could see that the boy needed someone to talk to, so he sat at the table.

"What do you wish to discuss, Potter?" Snape repeated, his voice much softer this time.

"Can we talk about what happened after I killed Voldemort?" Harry asked, shrinking into himself. This was a very tender subject and one that Harry would have preferred to avoid altogether.

"Sure, Pot--Harry. We can talk about that, if you'd like," Snape said, being more like the man Harry had seen in his room just about a month ago.

"Did you see everything when I let you in?" Harry asked, looking up a bit.

"I saw the altercation between yourself and the Weasley family. I also remember a glimpse of a very angry Andromeda Tonks," Snape said, calmly. He hated seeing this once strong teenager become a broken boy.

"Well, the Weasley's were the only real family I ever had. I spent the majority of my summers there, and I went there for a couple of Christmases. Ron was like my brother, and Ginny was the first person I ever loved," Harry said, his voice cracking slightly. "When they had found out that Lupin, Tonks, and Fred had died, they turned on me. They were so angry with me, despite the fact that not three hours beforehand I had pleaded with them all to just go home.

"I was so shocked that they would have said those things, but the look in all of their eyes told me that they didn't care what I had said," Harry continued. "I have never felt so alone in my life."

"I'm sorry, Harry," Snape said, not really knowing what to say. "Being alone isn't all bad, but after knowing nothing but friendship through your years at Hogwarts, I can only imagine the pain you felt."

"I felt like my heart got ripped out, stomped on, and put back dirty," Harry burst out, before crumbling into tears. He put his arms on the table and his head on his arms, shaking with sobs. Snape quickly moved to be next to the boy, gently pulling Harry into his arms. Harry wrapped his arms around Snape, clinging to him desperately.

"It's alright, Harry," Snape said, gently rubbing Harry's back. "I'm not going to leave you. I promise you that." At those words, Harry clung to Snape even more desperately, his sobs getting worse.

"That's what Ginny told me," Harry managed to say between sobs, his hands gripping Snape's cloak tightly. "And now look at me... I'm alone."

"Harry, you have me," Snape said, beginning to feel overwhelmed. "I won't leave you, I promise. I will always be here for you." Harry continued to sob into Snape's shoulder for just about an hour. All the time the boy spent clinging to him made Snape realize just how badly he had neglected himself during his life.

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About three hours, and seven drinks each, later, Harry and Snape were sitting in the living room, just making small talk. Snape had a new respect towards Harry, seeing him not as a stupid boy, but as an intelligent young man.

"Thank you, Snape," Harry said, eventually. "I needed someone to listen to me, I just didn't want to admit it to myself."

"It was no problem, Harry," Snape said, getting up. "I'm going to get to bed. I'm feeling pretty tired."

"I think that's a good idea," Harry said, getting up and swaying slightly. "Think you could help me?"

"Sure, Harry," Snape said, slipping an arm around Harry's waist. He helped the young man into his bed, and slipped up to his own room.

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_A/N: The next few chapters should be longer. The first few were short, but I promise there will be more in the next few._

_Also, I'm probably going to update this every Friday, and I may skip weeks for whatever reason._

_Reveiws are greatly appriciated, and will help the story to possibly update quicker._

_--kd_


	3. Losing Himself

The two men had been living together comfortably after the night Harry had opened up to Snape. They were often found in the kitchen, talking and laughing after dinner. This went on for about three months, until Harry had received a letter from a certain redhead.

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"_Harry,_

_My family and I know that you've been working at the Ministry. Dad sees you once in a while._

_Why haven't you apologized to us yet? You took Fred, Remus, Tonks, and several others from us in your race to fight Voldemort. It's never been so empty in our house, even with all of us kids back home. Mom's not herself, and she snaps at us even when we're just sitting._

_You broke my heart, Harry. I thought I knew you better than that. I thought you'd have told us not to fight, but you didn't._

_Ron is the most upset. He hasn't left his room, other than for meals, since that night. Every night, I can hear him thrashing around, fighting with himself over whether or not Fred's death was his fault or not._

_You've single-handedly destroyed my family. For that, I feel nothing for you. I don't even hate you. I highly doubt that I'll even talk to you again._

_Hermione's on our side, by the way._

_Ginny Weasley_"

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It had been two weeks since Harry had received that letter, and Snape hadn't even seen him. The young man would leave for work before Snape was up in the morning, and he would come home after Snape was in bed. He didn't know that many nights, Snape was not asleep.

Snape would lie in bed, waiting for Harry to come home. He would listen to the sounds of Harry opening the liquor cabinet. He would then hear the drunken sobs as Harry finished off yet another bottle of booze on an empty stomach before bed.

He was very worried about the boy, and stayed in the living room that night.

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Harry had gotten up the next day, taken a hangover potion, and gone to leave for work. When he opened the door to the living room, he instantly regretted it. Snape sat up on the couch, and he looked straight into Harry's mind. In his weakened state, Harry had no barriers put up, and he had no choice but to let Snape see the letter he had gotten from Ginny.

"Why are you hiding from me again, Harry?" Snape asked, his voice calm. "You know that you can talk to me."

"I can handle it on my own, Snape," Harry replied, defensively. "I'm just fine."

"Emptying out the liquor cabinet is just fine?" Snape asked, rising to his feet, worry in his voice. "Crying yourself to sleep for two weeks is just fine? Eating nothing while you're home is just fine?"

"You saw it!" Harry cried, falling to his knees. "You saw what she said to me, damn it. You know how it's affected me, Snape."

"Why didn't you come to me to talk about it, instead of hiding in your rooms?" Snape asked, kneeling next to Harry.

"I don't like people to see me when I'm not being strong," Harry said, before breaking down into tears. "I hate when I don't feel strong. I always have."

"You have no reason to feel that way around me, Harry," Snape said, gently taking the young man into his arms.

"You were the reason I got strong in the first place, Snape," Harry managed between sobs. "You were so hard to please, and I never knew what you wanted from me."

"I'm sorry, Harry," Snape said, and that was all he could think to say. He just held Harry as the tears continued. He knew that if Harry hadn't gotten to work on time, there would be an owl, but he didn't care. He just cared about the sobbing man in his arms.

In the last four months, everything that Snape had thought he knew about Harry had gotten turned upside down. He saw that Harry was not arrogant, self-centered, or asinine like his father had been. Harry was a caring, giving, and brave young man. He found that the more he had gotten to know Harry, the more he had been like his mother, before James had come into her life.

"I need to get to work," Harry said, looking up to Snape with tears still running down his cheeks. "If I'm not there by an hour after I'm supposed to be there, I'll get an owl." As if on cue, an owl began knocking on his window.

"I'll respond to the owl, and I'll tell the Ministry that you'll be in tomorrow," Snape said, letting Harry go and getting up. He scribbled a note onto a piece of parchment, gave it to the owl, and threw the letter in the trash. He went back to Harry, and he helped the young man into the kitchen.

"Can we have something for breakfast? I'm starting to feel the negative effects of not eating properly for two weeks," Harry asked, after being sat at the table.

"What would you like, Harry?" Snape asked, sitting across the table from him.

"Anything that is going to stick with me for a while," Harry replied, laying his arms on the table, then resting his head on his arms.

"Alright," Snape said, and set about making some food.

About ten minutes later, he set a plate in front of Harry, who dug in right away. Snape watched as Harry devoured his first plate, and gladly dug into a second when it was placed in front of him. After two plates, Harry was still hungry, but it was nowhere near as bad as before the food.

"Thank you, Snape," Harry said, setting his fork down. "I really appreciated that."

"No problem, Harry," Snape said, his eyes studying Harry's face. "I can make you lunch as well."

"That would be nice," Harry replied, looking to his lap.

"What's on your mind?" Snape asked, still studying Harry's face.

"Too much," Harry said, looking up to meet Snape's eyes. Snape could see everything, the first day Harry had found out he was a wizard, his first time in Diagon Alley with Hagrid, meeting Ron's family at the train station, and everything to do with school.

"Harry, why do you dwell on the past? You have your entire life ahead of you. You could do anything," Snape said, still wading through memories of Cho Chang and the DA meetings.

"Because it's all I ever had, and now it's all been taken away from me," Harry said, wanting to break Snape's connection, but unable to bring himself to it.

"You've got me now, Harry," Snape said, as he got to a memory he was unaware Harry had. He saw himself cast the killing curse on Albus Dumbledore, and he instantly regretted anything he had promised to do for that man. He had helped Dumbledore use this man in his plans to destroy Voldemort.

"I have you, yes," Harry said, looking away from Snape and breaking the link between their minds. "But that's all that I have. My job is just a show, my friends abandoned me, and my ex-professor is the only person I have to talk to."

"I'm the only person who didn't abandon you when you needed me the most," Snape said, his hand reaching towards Harry's on the table. When he gently took Harry's hand, he squeezed it lightly. Harry was more like Lily at that point than ever before.

"I honestly believe you, Snape," Harry said. "But I'm still afraid that you'll leave at some point because you'll want a life of your own again."

"I can have my own life while I'm here, Harry," Snape said, still holding the young man's hand.

"Promise that you'll never leave me alone?" Harry asked, his voice hopeful despite his scared face.

"I promise," Snape replied, smiling to the young man across the table from him.

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_A/N: This is the beginning of the friendship between Harry and Snape._

_Read and review, please._

_--kd_


	4. Drunken Admissions

The next morning, Snape went to the kitchen and found Harry sitting at the table. He had something on the stove cooking and a pot of coffee on the table.

"Morning, Snape," Harry said, looking up from the Prophet. "I've got breakfast started and there's coffee on the table."

"Morning, Harry," Snape replied, sitting and taking a coffee cup. "Thank you."

After a couple moments, Harry set his paper aside to check the food. He smiled at the pan and plated the food. He set one plate in front of Snape and sat down next to him with his own. Snape looked at the plate and saw an array of colors and could smell an array of delicious aromas.

"Harry, this smells amazing," Snape said, before he picked up his fork.

"Thank you, Snape," Harry replied, digging into his food.

After the two men finished their breakfast, Harry left for work. Snape had some things he needed to get done in his room, so he used his day working on those things.

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Harry returned home after a day at work to the smell of a meal being cooked. He was intrigued by this, and he went to the kitchen. He was impressed by the smell and look of the meal Snape had made.

"Good evening, Harry," Snape said, glancing up from the pot he was stirring.

"Hello, Snape," Harry said, sitting at the table. "This all smells and looks delicious."

The two men ate their dinner, occasionally talking about this or that. After twenty minutes and two helpings later, Snape magicked the dishes to do themselves and led Harry into the living room. He and Harry sat on the couch.

"How has work been treating you, Harry?" Snape asked, reaching over into the liquor cabinet and grabbing a bottle of Firewhiskey. He also grabbed two glasses and poured a small amount of the liquor into each glass.

"It's been hell as usual," Harry said, taking a glass from Snape and sipping the liquid. "Kingsley continues to insist that I do this thing that day and that thing this day. I'm really getting tired of being the goddamned whipping boy for the Ministry."

"Well, why don't you quit?" Snape asked, sipping his liquor as well. "Tell Kingsley that you're done being the poster boy and whipping post for everything that he's trying to do."

"If I quit, I become public enemy number one," Harry replied, downing his Firewhiskey and shuddering at the sensation in his throat. "Kingsley wants me to stay put and be a good little employee as long as he sees fit. Everything has to be his vision of perfect or nothing is good enough." He reached over and poured more liquor into his glass. He swirled it around his glass as he looked at it.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Snape said, pouring more liquor into his now empty glass. He, too, swirled the liquid in his glass as he sat with Harry. "I really don't like Kingsley, but the public seems to support him in everything that he's done. As far as they know, he's successfully captured all the rogue death eaters and supporters of Voldemort."

"Yeah, well, he's turned into Fudge all over again," Harry said, sighing afterwards. "He's beginning to get that power hungry paranoia that Fudge had when Dumbledore and I tried to tell him that Voldemort was back. He's doing things that are incredibly ridiculous."

"I see," Snape said, setting his glass on the table. "He's becoming everything that everyone wants him to be instead of sticking to his morals and values. The exact problem that Cornelius had. The tragic flaw of the post of Minister of Magic."

"You said it, Snape," Harry slurred, having downed his second glass of Firewhiskey. He knew he was a lightweight when it came to alcohol, but that had never stopped him before. He again reached for the bottle of liquor and poured a good amount into his glass.

"I think that's enough, Harry," Snape said, taking the bottle from the younger man. He put the cover on the bottle and put it back into the liquor cabinet.

"Come on, Snape," Harry slurred, "tomorrow's Saturday, and I don't have to go into work. Lemme have some fun."

"Harry, you've had enough," Snape said, taking the glass from Harry's hand. He was instantly shocked as Harry leapt at him as he set the glass on the table. He was knocked back onto the couch and pinned down by the younger man.

There was a fire in Harry's eyes, and Snape had no idea what it meant. Suddenly, Snape felt lips against his, and his body stiffened. Harry was drunk and kissing him. _Kissing him._ He felt hands move through his hair as Harry's lips continued to move against his unresponsive ones. He wanted to push the younger man off of him, but he felt his body begin to respond to the young man. His eyes began to close as he started responding to Harry's eager lips.

Harry began nipping at Snape's bottom lip, asking for entrance. He opened his lips slightly, allowing Harry entrance. He was surprised by the taste of Harry's tongue mingled with the lingering Firewhiskey in his mouth, but Snape gently sucked on the younger man's tongue. The two remained locked in the kiss for a few more moments, before Snape was snapped back to reality by Harry's hands traveling down his chest. He gently moved Harry away from him, regretfully breaking the kiss.

"Harry, we shouldn't do this," Snape whispered, his voice rendered almost useless as he felt Harry begin kissing his neck. "I'm much to old for you."

"But, Snape, I want you," Harry muttered, his words muffled by Snape's neck. He continued to kiss Snape's neck, his hands beginning to travel downward again. He felt Snape stiffen below him, but that did not deter him from his goal. His hands continued to slowly move down Snape's chest, his fingers memorizing every dip in the muscle beneath his shirt.

"Harry, you need to stop," Snape attempted to say more forcefully, but he found himself again whispering.

"Snape, I want you, so bad," Harry said, his hand hitting the spot he was slowly moving towards. He could feel his own cock harden as he felt the hardness beneath Snape's trousers. "Oh yeah..."

"Harry, no," Snape said, after recovering from the shudders he felt from the contact Harry made with his clothed cock. "Stop."

"Snape..." Harry whined, gripping Snape's hardness again, drawing a constricted groan from the older man. He wanted to see the cock he was fondling through Snape's trousers, and would stop at nothing to achieve that goal.

"God, Harry, we shouldn't do this," Snape managed, between stifled groans. He didn't want the other man to know how much he was truly enjoying the treatment he was receiving. His hands slowly moved to the younger man's shirt, gently pulling the hem up, revealing slightly tanned flesh. His cock got harder as he felt Harry's own hardness pressing into his leg. He groaned as his cock painfully pressed against the restraining articles of clothing.

"Snape, just relax," Harry murmured, his hands moving to Snape's belt and trousers. He swiftly undid the belt and unbuttoned the pants. He planted a quick kiss on Snape's lips before moving himself down to kneel between the other man's legs as he unzipped Snape's pants. Against his better judgment, Snape lifted his hips and allowed Harry to slowly remove his trousers.

"Ah fuck," Snape groaned as he felt his cock spring up into the cool air. He groaned as Harry's hand encircled his hardness, holding it in place. He laid his head back on the couch and closed his eyes, enjoying the gentleness of Harry's touch.

"It's beautiful, Snape," Harry said, transfixed by the hardness in his hand. He had been with a few guys in school, but none of them had been this large, length or girth. His hand began making slow movements over the flesh in his hand, and his own cock began straining uncomfortably against his jeans. He could hear Snape's breathing become labored as his cock began leaking precum.

"Oh shit, Harry," Snape groaned, his hips starting to buck gently as he neared his climax. Harry's slightly calloused, gentle hand on his cock was more than he found he could handle for much longer. He reached out and started moving Harry's face closer to his cock.

"Here it goes," Harry mumbled before taking Snape's head into his mouth. Harry began moving his tongue around it, finding the taste to be somewhat pleasant. His hand continued to pump Snape's cock, quickly bringing Harry his prize. He was startled by the first spurt, but quickly began swallowing as much as he could. Snape's hips continued to buck as he emptied his load into Harry's eager mouth.

"Fucking hell," Snape said, between heavy breaths. "That was fucking amazing, Harry." He felt completely spent as Harry gently licked him clean and started to pull his trousers back up for him.

Harry slowly moved to sit next to Snape on the couch, leaning over slightly to kiss the older man again. Snape responded quickly this time, nibbling on Harry's bottom lip gently. When Harry allowed him entrance, Snape relished in the taste of his seed mingling with Harry's slightly sweet taste. He slowly moved to pin Harry to the couch, much as the younger man had done to him earlier.

Snape's hands began gently exploring the torso before him as he slowly moved from the kiss to begin kissing Harry's neck. At this, Harry gasped, his neck being more sensitive than most. He writhed a bit beneath Snape, his neck getting more sensitive as each kiss was placed on it. As he writhed, his shirt began to slip upwards, exposing his stomach to Snape's hands.

"Harry, are you sure you want this to continue?" Snape whispered to him. He was answered by the vigorous nodding of Harry's head. His eyes were closed and there was a subtle noise coming from the younger man's throat. As Snape's hands traveled further down Harry's body, the noise became louder, becoming a loud groan as Snape's hand grasped Harry's hardened cock through his jeans.

"Shit, Snape," Harry said, his hips bucking into Snape's hand. Snape deftly undid Harry's belt and unbuttoned his jeans. He then placed a lingering kiss on Harry's lips before kneeling between the younger man's legs. He unzipped the jeans as he gently lifted Harry's hips enough to slip his jeans low enough to free Harry's cock from the material.

"Fuck," Harry groaned, as he felt Snape's calloused hand encircle his cock. Snape's hand moved skillfully along his hardness, drawing the sounds he was looking for from the younger man in front of him. He continued pumping Harry's cock as he slowly moved his head closer, his breath hitting Harry's hardness. As he saw the precum starting to leak from Harry's tip, he slipped the head into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it skillfully. He heard Harry's groans get louder, and was soon rewarded for his work. Harry began emptying himself into Snape's mouth, and Snape swallowed every drop. He continued to pump his hand along Harry's cock, milking everything he could from it. When he felt it begin to soften, he licked Harry clean and pulled his jeans back up.

"Shit," Harry exhaled, his breathing labored. "Where'd you learn to suck cock like that?"

"That's a secret," Snape said, moving to sit next to Harry. He leaned over and was pulled into an intense kiss. Harry entered his mouth, and Snape found that he enjoyed the mingled taste of himself on Harry's tongue and Harry's taste on his. Harry noticed the same thing, and the two men continued to kiss for a short while.

"Snape, I think there's something I really need to tell you," Harry said, after breaking the kiss and laying his head on Snape's shoulder.

"What's that, Harry?" Snape asked, placing his arm around Harry.

"I, um. Uh, I, um," Harry said, stumbling over his words. "I think I may have started falling for you over these last couple of months." He shrunk into himself, slipping from under Snape's arm.

"I have to say that the feeling is returned, Harry," Snape said, pulling Harry to him. He held the younger man to him gently, rubbing his back lightly.

"Really?" Harry asked, looking up at the older man.

"Really, Harry," Snape said, smiling to him. "I was hesitant to do anything physical with you for fear of losing the only friend I have ever made on my own. I didn't want to jeopardize anything that could have been between us."

"I think I'm going to go to bed, Snape," Harry said, smiling to the other man. "You're more than welcome to join me if you'd like, but I'm starting to feel the other effects alcohol has on me."

"I think I will join you tonight," Snape replied, standing up and gently helping Harry up.

They made their way to Harry's room, where Harry changed into his pajamas and Snape undressed to his boxers. The two men got into bed. Harry snuggled up to Snape's side, and Snape slipped an arm around the other man.

The two drifted into a comfortable sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_A/N: Read and review._

_--kd_


	5. The Rift

For six months after the first night of physicality between Harry and Snape, things could not have been better. The two got along better than they ever had before, and they actually began to learn about one another.

"Well, Snape, I have to say, I've really enjoyed this time with you," Harry said, smiling. "It's been great to finally learn about the real you."

"Thank you, Harry," Snape replied, a smile of his own on his face. "I have also enjoyed learning about you."

"You know more about me than anyone else ever has," Harry said, blushing a bit. "It's been great sharing this with you."

"Do you remember what I told you a while ago?" Snape asked, looking to Harry. He had his arm around his lover's shoulders, and gently squeezed his shoulder.

"I think I know what you're talking about," Harry replied, leaning against Snape's side more. "You promised that you'd never leave me."

"And I still stand by that to this day," Snape said, placing a soft kiss on Harry's forehead. "I will never leave you."

"Thank you, Snape," Harry said, closing his eyes and snuggling closer to Snape.

"No problem, Harry," Snape replied, holding the younger man in his arms.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

About a month later, Snape and Harry were in Harry's room, lying on the bed. Harry was on all fours above Snape, and the two were locked in a passionate kiss. Snape's hands roamed all over Harry's torso, tracing every muscle. Harry began to slowly lower his body against Snape's, his boxer-clad cock meeting Snape's. The kiss was broken as both men groaned.

"God, Harry," Snape said, his eyes closed. "That's excruciating."

"You mean this?" Harry asked, moving his hips just enough to create friction between them.

"Fuck," Snape groaned, his hands gripping Harry's arms tightly. "That's exactly what I mean."

"I like it," Harry muttered, between ragged groans. He continued moving his hips, his cock leaking precum onto his boxers, creating a wet spot on the fly. Snape soon responded by moving his own hips opposite of Harry's, upping the friction. The two men continued their movements until their boxers were wet and sticky.

"Goddamn, Harry," Snape murmured, stroking Harry's hair. "That was fucking intense."

"Yeah," Harry answered, his breathing still heavy. He felt completely spent, but still looking to try something. The two men laid together, in their sticky glory.

"Are you alright?" Snape asked, having noticed some different movements in Harry's body language.

"I'm fine," Harry answered, carefully keeping his eyes from Snape's. "I just wanted to try something, but I don't know how to ask you."

"You know you can ask me anything without sounding like an idiot, Harry," Snape said, moving Harry's head up so their eyes could meet.

"Will you make love to me, Severus?" Harry asked, letting his eyes meet Snape's.

"Um, I'm not so sure that's a good idea, Harry," Snape said, completely missing that Harry had used his first name. "It would complicate things between us far too much."

"But Snape, I trust you, I love you, and I want you," Harry said, his voice soft. "I guess that isn't enough for you." He moved off of Snape, making Snape mentally kick himself. He reached over to Harry, only to have his hand swatted away.

"Harry, what's the matter?" Snape asked, worried that he had hurt the man he loved.

"It's nothing, Snape," Harry answered, his voice cracking slightly. "Just go do whatever you need to."

"Harry, talk to me, please," Snape said, now completely worried.

"Why? Why won't you?" Harry asked, looking to him. "I want my first time to be with someone special, and I really wanted you to be that someone."

"Harry, you mean to tell me that you've never had sex?" Snape asked, somewhat shocked.

"No, I have never had sex. I never trusted anyone else to make it something to remember," Harry choked out, burying his head in his pillow. Snape let out a low sigh.

"Harry, I wouldn't be a good first time for you," Snape said, his voice distraught. "I'm too old."

"But everything else was okay?" Harry burst out. "Letting me suck your cock, letting you suck mine, the hand jobs, the rutting. All of that was okay? I ask you to make love to me, and suddenly it's not a good idea?"

"I...I should go," Snape said, getting off of Harry's bed. He gathered his clothing and left the room. He went to his bedroom and began packing his things. He had let things between Harry and himself go too far, and he was now much to close to him. One night of Harry's drunkenness had led to a relationship that, in Snape's mind, never should have happened. Granted, it was the best thing that had ever happened to him, it was a mistake to be with a man who was young enough to be his son.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next few weeks were awkward between the two former lovers. Harry became distant and cold towards Snape. Snape felt that he deserved it, after hurting Harry the way he had.

Harry never stayed in the same room as Snape, not even for meals. When Snape had cooked dinner, Harry would take his plate into his room. He couldn't bear the sight of the man who had broken his heart. Harry had given Snape everything he could give, and even that wasn't enough, just like in school.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Snape began to feel as though he should leave Grimmauld Place, and one night, he decided to go back to Spinner's End. He shrunk his belongings and stowed them in his pockets. He placed the letter he had written Harry on his bed, a ring stowed inside of the envelope as well. He took one last look at the place he had once called home. He then apparated to Spinner's End.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry woke the next morning, a need to speak to Severus in his head. He quickly threw on some pajama bottoms and made his way up to Snape's room. When he reached the open door, he stopped. The dresser drawers were all hanging open, and the wardrobe was standing open. Nothing was in the room, beside a letter with his name on the envelope.

He fell to his knees, his head in his hands, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. He couldn't believe it. Snape had promised that he would never leave. He promised that he would never hurt Harry. At that point, Harry wrote the Ministry of Magic a letter of resignation and didn't leave his house again for almost a year.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_A/N: This is nearing the end, but the events in Rekindling a Romance should make a bit more sense now._

_I'm sorry for the huge delay in this, but life got in the way. _

_Expect another chapter tomorrow._

_R&R, please!_

_--kd_


	6. Separate Ways

For almost six months, Harry would spend his mornings, afternoons, and evenings staring into the room where the man who had broken his heart stayed. He would do nothing, not even eat, most days. He would just stand in the doorway and stare at the room.

Eventually, it became too much for Harry, and he slammed the door shut. He would spend his days in his room, having Dobby bring him food when he was hungry and alcohol when he wanted to lose himself.

"Master Harry, Dobby asks why you are doing these things," Dobby said.

"It doesn't matter, Dobby," Harry answered, after downing half a bottle of vodka.

"Master Harry, Dobby is worried about you," the elf replied, his tennis ball sized eyes beginning to tear up.

"Dobby, you have no reason to be worried about me. I'm nobody to be worried over," Harry muttered. "If I was someone to worry over, I wouldn't be alone anymore."

"But Master, you isn't alone! You has your Dobby," Dobby said, his hands clutching at Harry's bedspread.

"I know, Dobby, I know," Harry said, lying back. An empty liquor bottle clattered to the floor. "But I once loved a man, and he walked away from me like I was dirty garbage."

"Dobby didn't know that, sir," Dobby said, looking at Harry.

"I know you didn't, Dobby," Harry said, closing his eyes. "No one knows about him. Can you please leave me alone, Dobby? I feel the need to sleep."

"Yes, Master Harry," Dobby said, bowing as he exited Harry's bedroom, the empty liquor bottle in his hands.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Snape had spent the majority of his time attempting to set up an alias so that he would be able to work. However, every name that he came up with, ended up reminding him of the man he had walked away from. He spent a lot of his time in his lab, trying to brew complicated potions, but almost always failing miserably. His concentration was at zero.

Snape would often angrily stomp away from his cauldrons and into his living room, to the pensieve he had acquired. He'd repeatedly take his memories of the boy (it hurt too much to call him Harry), and place them in the pensieve. He'd view them almost every day. The drunken kiss, the resulting blowjobs, the showers the two often shared, and the last night Snape had spent with the boy before he'd fucked things up.

For some idiotic reason, Snape could do nothing but think of the boy and how he had broken him. He had repeatedly written letters, but always backed out of sending them when he called his owl to him. He'd throw the letter into the corner of his office, and the owl would fly away, flustered. He's compiled quite the collection of apologies for the boy, but all 35 of them sat in a messy pile in the waste bin.

At night, the only thoughts that ran through Snape's mind were the times he most wanted to forget. The night the boy had said that there was a feeling for him, the amazing blow job that had followed, and ---

"Damn it," Snape muttered, reaching over to his bedside table for the dreamless sleep potion he had gotten accustomed to taking. He downed half the bottle, replaced the cork, and fell instantly into a dreamless sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After Harry had closed the door on Snape's room, he had found that he was able to concentrate on other things. He had started to write a column in a wizarding magazine about defense against the dark arts, under the alias Tobias Evans. The name really had no meaning until Harry thought about it. He had inadvertently combined Snape's father's name and his own mother's name. Despite the thought of Snape, Harry's heart didn't hurt quite as much.

He had begun caring about his appearance again, and was about ready to brave going out into public. He decided to stay in muggle London though, wanting to avoid the wizarding world completely, aside for his new job.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

One night, about a year after Harry and Snape had parted ways, Harry was getting ready for a night out at a local muggle club. He had showered, which left his hair still slightly wet and hanging in pieces around his face. He threw on a red button down shirt, dark blue jeans, and his favorite black dress shoes. In his opinion, he looked damned good.

He entered the club and was astounded at the number of good-looking men. He made his way over to the bar and ordered a screwdriver, not wanting to get too drunk too quickly. He went over to an empty table and just watched the bodies moving on the dance floor. He had been sitting for about twenty minutes when a good-looking guy Harry had been eyeing came over. He was about three inches taller than Harry, and his hair was dark blonde and spiked up. He looked to have a decent build, and his eyes were shockingly blue.

"Hello there," the man said, extending his hand to Harry. "My name's Robert, but you can call me Rob."

"Hello," Harry replied, shaking the man's hand. "I'm Harry. Would you like to join me?"

"That would be very nice," Rob said, taking a seat next to Harry.

The two men talked for a while. Harry talked of his job, writing an advice column for a magazine, and his past at school, though he didn't tell Rob he was a wizard. Rob talked of just graduating school, and looking to go to university in science.

"Have you ever been with another guy?" Rob asked, completely out of the blue.

"Um, yeah, a few times at school, and I lived with a guy for about a year about a year ago," Harry said, wincing internally as he thought of the things he had shared with Snape. "What about you?"

"Oh yeah, I dated a guy from school for a couple months, and let it go to far," Rob said, sipping his drink. "He and I had something special, but it got tainted the day I let him take me."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Harry said, placing his hand over Rob's. "The guy I lived with, ruined what we had by letting it get too far, in his mind, and stopping before it got any further. It got awkward to be around him, and he left, without ever trying to talk to me about anything."

"I'm sorry, Harry," Rob said, gently moving his hand to hold Harry's. The two men sat, leaning closer to one another slowly. After a few seconds, Harry's lips met Rob's in a soft, tender kiss. Rob brought his free hand up to cup Harry's cheek as Harry's hand found it's way to Rob's neck, his thumb reaching Rob's cheek, and gently rubbing it. The kiss lasted about a minute, with Rob pulling back first.

"Well, would you like to go dance?" Rob asked, getting up from his seat, his hand extended to Harry.

"That would be nice," Harry said, joining Rob as they made their way to the dance floor. The two danced for the better part of the night, occasionally sharing a kiss. After the club had called for last call, Rob and Harry made plans to meet up again, later that week.

Harry made his way home happier than he had been in a year. He didn't believe he'd have such luck. He'd gone out once, and had already found a great guy. He fell asleep to thoughts of the kisses he and Rob had shared.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Snape was still miserable, a year after he had left Harry. He wanted nothing more than to go back to Grimmauld place and apologize until Harry would take him back. Unfortunately, that plan was ruined by a Prophet that showed up the next day. There was a small article on Harry, and the accompanying picture broke Snape's heart. Harry was kissing another man at a table in some trendy club. _His_ Harry was kissing another man.

"Damn it, why did I get so attached to that damned man," Snape angrily muttered, reaching for the open bottle of Firewhiskey on his living room table. "That man still has hold on me, even with this year we've spent apart from each other."

He eventually fell into an uneasy sleep on his couch, the prophet still clutched in his hand. The now empty Firewhiskey bottle clattered to the floor, forgotten.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry met Rob later on that week, and was surprised by the restaurant Rob had taken him to. It was a high end Italian place, with elegant decorations and delicious smelling food.

"Rob, this is incredible," Harry said, still in disbelief that his first real date would be so perfect.

"Anything for you, Harry," Rob replied, slipping an arm around Harry's waist. The two walked up to the host, and asked for Rob's reservation. They were led to their table, and the two men sat, talking about what had happened over the last few days.

"What can I get you, sirs?" the waiter asked, stopping short of the table.

"I think I'll have the fettuccini alfredo with chicken," Harry said, placing his menu on the table. "Thank you."

"I'll have the lasagna," Rob said, also placing his menu on the table. "Can we get a bottle of your finest red wine, as well?"

"Yes, sir. I'll bring it right out," the waited said, taking the menus and heading to the kitchen area.

"So, Harry, what do you think of me?" Rob asked, looking at Harry.

"I think you're great, Rob. You're really handsome, and you've treated me really well so far," Harry replied, blushing a bit. "What do you think of me?"

"You're one of the hottest guys I've seen in a long time, and you seem like the type of guy I could be with for a long time," Rob answered, taking Harry's hand gently.

Suddenly, Harry's mind went from the conversation that he was having with Rob, to memories he had been blocking from his mind for almost a year now. He could see himself between Snape's legs, playing with his cock. He could see Snape between his own legs returning the favor. He could see the nights they spent rutting against each other to climax.

Harry shook his head and tried to focus on Rob again. Even when he looked at the man across the table from him, he could only see Snape's face. The hooked nose, the onyx eyes, the crooked grin, all Snape's features.

"Harry, did you hear what I just said?" Rob asked, his face worried.

"Sorry, Rob, but I have to go," Harry said, standing quickly. "Something just came up, and I really need to take care of it." He pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and showed Rob. He nodded and got up to kiss Harry goodbye. Harry returned the kiss somewhat unwillingly. He then quickly walked out of the restaurant, into a deserted alley, and apparated back to his living room.

"Why the fuck did those things pop into my head at that point?" Harry angrily muttered as he threw his jacket on the coat hanger by the door. "Why did _he_ have to ruin my chance at a normal relationship?"

He made his way to his room, stripped to his boxers, and crawled into bed. He then fell into an uneasy sleep, filled with memories of what had happened between Snape and himself.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Snape miserably made his way around his house, stopping to stare into the mirror. He was completely miserable. He had no idea that relationship like his and Harry's would have had this much control over him. He had not even let Voldemort have any power over his mind, and this 18-year-old man was controlling his every thought.

He sat on his couch, staring at the embers of what had been a roaring fire not an hour ago. He placed his head in his hands and began to sob. He missed Harry so much, but now that Harry had a new lover, Snape had nothing to hope for. He couldn't work, because he couldn't create an alias that would allow him to. Every name somehow ended up with Harry in it.

He grabbed his potions magazine and flipped through it until a name caught his eye.

"Tobias Evans," Snape muttered, recognizing both parts of the name. "Could this be Harry?"

He then flung the magazine across the room and suddenly felt even more helpless. He grabbed the nearest liquor bottle and downed it. He then stumbled to his bed, flopping on it, falling into an uneasy sleep as soon as he hit the mattress.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_A/N: So, here's the beginning of the end. The next couple chapters are going to be probably about half and half Harry's life and Snape's life, just to show the things that they're going through._

_After this, the last few chapters are going to be thrown up whenever I can find a spare couple minutes. I recently got a job, and I'm going to be working pretty much every night._

_Read and review!_

_--kd_


	7. The Memory Remains

Harry hadn't seen Rob for months at this point. He had managed to track the man down after the fiasco at the restaurant and talk to him. Luckily, Rob wasn't too upset. Though he and Harry had eventually decided that it would be better if they were just friends. That night, Harry went to a pub and got completely hammered. A man had hit on Harry, taken him home, and Harry woke the next morning in a strange bed and a dull ache in his lower torso. He gathered his clothes and apparated home before the man had woken up.

He stood in the shower, crying for a long time. He had been so detached from himself that he didn't notice when the water had gotten cold until he found himself shivering. He got out of the shower, and dried himself off. He then cast a warming charm on himself, and crawled into bed. He fell asleep instantly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Snape had seen a man hitting on someone who looked a lot like Harry at a pub the other night. When they left, they had walked past his table. He instantly recognized the green eyes the younger man had. He followed them to a house, and silently made his way to the bedroom. He was horrified to see the sober man take advantage of the drunken man beneath him. Harry must have been hammered to allow this to happen.

"_He told me that he wanted his first time to be special,_" Snape thought to himself as he watched the man take advantage of his Harry. "_That son of a bitch is going to get it from me when he's done._"

The man was soon finished, and went into the bathroom. Snape silently followed him, and cursed him to oblivion. He was enraged at the man, and made sure to show it. Even though the man begged for him to stop, Snape would not let up until he was finished. After about thirty minutes of torture, Snape knocked the man out, and threw him onto the floor next to the bed that his Harry was sleeping on.

"_You'll be alright, Harry,_" Snape thought, as he looked at the sleeping form on the bed. He apparated to his house and fell asleep as soon as he hit the bed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry spent the next month and a half in his rooms constantly. Dobby was doing his best to take care of him, and he was sorely tempted to contact the man his master talked of in his sleep.

"Dobby, can I ask you something?" Harry said, the next time Dobby came in to check on him.

"Yes, Master Harry," Dobby replied, stopping next to the bed.

"Have I ever talked of anyone in my sleep?" Harry asked, looking at his hands, hoping that the answer was a no.

"I have heard you mumbling about someone a few times since you came home the last time, Master," Dobby said, looking down. "But I have never heard a name."

"Thank you Dobby," Harry said, sighing heavily. "Could you bring me some food please?"

"Yes, Master," Dobby said, running from the room to fetch Harry's food.

"I still miss him, even after two years," Harry murmured into his hands. "Why do I still miss Snape?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After what he had witnessed that night, about three months ago, Snape found himself often thinking of ways to watch over Harry without the younger man knowing. He didn't want Harry to be taken advantage of again, and he surely didn't want Harry to know what he was doing.

"God, it's been two years now, and I'm still protective of the boy," Snape growled, his potion not reacting the way he had hoped. "Two years, and I'm still hopelessly tied to the boy."

He went into his study, pulled out the pensieve, and let himself get lost in the memories stored inside.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry had decided that he wanted to meet guys, but he'd never go into a bar and get hammered again. He woke the morning after his lower torso was aching, and instantly knew what had happened. He'd given up the one thing that he still had, and he'd given it up somewhat willingly. He had flirted with a man while he was completely wasted, and let himself be taken to the man's house.

"I need Snape back," Harry muttered as he crawled into bed, missing the heat the other man's body gave off. He fell into an uneasy sleep filled with dreams of Snape and himself.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_A/N: The next chapter is going to be short as well, but the last one will be somewhat longer._

_Read and review._

_--kd_


	8. The Struggle Within

After three years, Harry's life had gotten into a relatively normal routine. He'd wake up an nine, shower, eat breakfast, write his column for the magazine, eat lunch, wander around muggle London, eat dinner, have a couple drinks at a bar, talk to some good-looking guy, and go home. He hadn't let himself get involved with anyone after the fiasco of him giving up the one thing he had wanted to save for Snape.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

One night, Harry was at a pub, sitting at a booth, just looking around. He had been there maybe an hour when a cute brunette came over.

"Hey, I'm Pete," the brunette said. "You look lonely, want some company?"

"I'm Harry," Harry answered, smiling. "Company would be awesome."

"I don't think I've seen you around here much before," Pete said, his stormy gray eyes checking Harry out.

"I don't go to the same pubs night after night. I kind of have a circuit," Harry replied, looking Pete over quickly.

"What are you drinking? I'll buy you one," Pete said, getting up.

"I'll have a screwdriver, thanks," Harry said, then watched Pete walk away. He was tempted to get up and leave but at the moment he looked to the door, a strangely familiar man entered. He had long black hair and a hooked nose.

"_Son of a bitch, Snape's here!_" Harry thought, ducking into his booth a bit more. "_Damn, he still looks great, though._"

"Here's your drink, Harry," Pete said, a bit too loudly for Harry's liking.

"Thanks, Pete," Harry said, through gritted teeth. He glanced towards Snape, and luckily the older man had missed Pete's announcement of his name.

The two guys talked for a while, Pete talking about some exciting job he'd had since he was a sophomore in high school (whatever that meant to Harry) and all the traveling he had done with his family. Harry mentioned a few things about himself, careful not to give too much away.

"Well, Pete, it's been good to get to know you, but I have to get home," Harry said, rising from his seat at around eleven.

"Can I walk you home, Harry?" Pete asked, getting up as well.

"No, Pete, that's alright," Harry said, putting his jacket on. "I'll be fine on my own. I should be back here in a couple days if you'd like to talk again."

"Alright, I'll see you later," Pete said, shaking Harry's hand.

"Good-bye," Harry said, turning to leave the pub. Snape had sat himself at the end of the bar nearest the door, and Harry found he had to walk right by the man. He sighed and resigned himself to walking briskly into the cool night air.

"_I should have talked to him,_" Harry thought to himself before he apparated home and got into bed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Snape's life was not a good one. There were numerous liquor bottles, both muggle and wizard, strewn about his house. Some were empty, other's held only dregs. He still had no income, though his teacher's salary was more than enough to live off for a number of years longer. He moped around his house, avoiding the pensieve when possible. His brewing talents were diminishing because he could not focus.

Snape had decided to randomly walk into a pub one night, three years after his life had ended. To him, his life ended the night he lost Harry. He had sat at the bar and ordered a gin and tonic. He was glancing around the pub and noticed a head of hair that he thought he recognized.

"Here's your drink, Harry," a brunette said to the hair, and Snape's heart sank again. Harry was on a date with his boyfriend.

"_God damn, it's been three years now, and I'm still head over heels for that boy,_" Snape thought to himself as he downed his first drink. "_I miss him more than I missed his mother, and I never thought anything would overpower my loss of Lily._"

Four drinks, and two hours, later, Harry got out of his booth to leave. He said something to the other man and the guy got up to follow Harry. Snape instantly started watching him like a hawk. He didn't want a replay of a year ago. Harry said something else to the guy, and he sat back down after shaking Harry's hand.

"_Thank God,_" Snape thought. "_I don't have to follow Harry again and hex another guy into a pile of shit._"

Snape was suddenly very aware that Harry was walking towards him. He watched Harry closely, looking for some sign of acknowledgement. When Harry passed him without a second glance, he felt tears well up in his eyes. He dropped a fifty pound note on the bar and left, to return to his miserable life.

When he arrived at his house, he grabbed the nearest full liquor bottle, quickly downing the entirety of it's contents. He then went to the pensieve, and he cried over the memories he still held on to.

He eventually made his way to his pitiful bedroom, fell on his pitiful bed, and fell into a pitiful sleep.

The next morning, he woke up to nothing in particular. Snape found that when he tried to sit up, his head pounded like it had been stomped on. He staggered to the bathroom and took a potion he had bought for hangovers. When he looked into the mirror, he saw a broken old man who didn't deserve happiness.

The rest of the day was spent writing another apology to Harry, only to throw it on the pile with the hundreds of others. He drank another bottle of liquor, and fell asleep.

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_A/N: There is only one last chapter._

_Read and review._

_--kd_


	9. Nothing Else Matters

Harry had spent four years running from the one thing he had wanted more than anything else in the world. He was tired of freaking out every time he was in public, and saw Severus. He was tired of having no one around to talk to, or just be with. He was annoyed with himself for making such a big deal out of Severus' opinion and the resulting fit he had thrown.

"Dobby," Harry said, causing the elf to pop to his side. "Can you bring me some parchment, a quill, and my ink, please?"

"Yes, Master!" Dobby squeaked, before he disappeared to gather the equipment. He returned a moment later, all three items in his hands. "Is Master going to write a letter to the young man from the pub the other night?"

"No, Dobby, I'm writing to someone I should have written to long ago," Harry said, before moving to the desk he had put in his room.

"Dobby will leave the Master to his letter," Dobby said, before bowing and leaving the room.

"Here goes nothing," Harry muttered to himself, beginning the letter he should have written a long time ago.

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Severus was rudely awakened by an incessant tapping on his bedroom window. He growled as he got up, and let the owl in. He hadn't noticed that it was an owl that Harry had at Grimmauld right away. His mind was still hazy from the alcohol he drank the night before. He was also sore because he let some idiot take him home and screw his brains out. After four years of sexual frustration, it had felt good, but now Severus felt guilty.

"What's this crap?" he muttered, removing the letter from the owl, who swooped back out the window. He opened it, and glanced at the bottom of the letter. His chest constricted painfully when he saw Harry's signature. How he had missed the young man's writing.

Severus practically ran to the bathroom to take a hangover potion, along with a pain easing one. He then took the letter to the kitchen, and sat at the table. He began reading the letter.

"_Severus,_

_I'm sorry for the way I had acted when you told me that having sex was a bit too far. I reacted like a child, and deserve to be hated by you. _(Snape sighed at that, know that he didn't hate Harry.)

_I have seen you around London a handful of times in the last four years, but I've always been too ashamed to say anything to you._

_I really do miss having you around. I miss the nights that we'd have a drink and laugh about the stupid things that happened at the Ministry. I miss the nights we'd spend together in my bed, your arms around me. I miss the kisses we shared. I miss the other things we did, too._

_I made a huge mistake two years ago, and I think you should know. I was at a pub in muggle London one night, and had a few too many drinks. A man I had been interested in took my advances as an invitation to take me back to his house. I don't really remember much beyond my tenth drink, but I woke the next day with a pain in my lower torso, and a realization that something I had wanted to save for the right person had been taken from me. I suppose I should tell you that I was saving my virginity for you, but now it's gone._

_I'd really like to see you again, Severus. If it's not too much trouble, could you send me an owl back with the time and date of your visit?_

_I'm really sorry for all of this._

_I miss you,_

_Harry"_

Severus reread the letter three times before the full effect of what was before him hit. Harry was apologizing for everything, even though it was mostly his own fault. He scrawled the date of the next Friday on a piece of parchment, and sent his own owl to Harry.

"A week to prepare to see him. That should be long enough to clean myself up," Snape said, walking into the bathroom. He studied himself in the mirror, and set about fixing his appearance.

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_A/N: It's sort of a cliffhanger, but it makes sense with the beginning of Rekindling a Romance, the sequel to this story that I wrote first._

_I do plan on rewriting the first chapter of that story, so the letter fits a bit better._

_Anyway, I hope parts of Rekindling a Romance make more sense, and if not, I'm sorry._

_I'm currently working on a random thought that's playing out much better than I had originally thought. I'll probably post the first chapter sometime next week, when I have a day off or something._

_Reviews would be appreciated._

_--kd_


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